luni, 12 decembrie 2011

My blueberry nights

-It's like these pies and cakes. At the end of every night the cheese cake and the apple pie are always completely done, the peach cobler and the chocolate mousse cakes are nearly finished but there's always a whole blueberry pie left untouched.
-So what's wrong with the blueberry pie?
-It's nothing wrong with the blueberry pie, people make other choices. You can't blame the blueberry pie, it's just that... no one wants it.
-Wait! I want a piece!
-With icecream. Leave it to me.
-Those belonged to a young couple a few years ago. They were naive enough to believe that they're gonna spend the rest of their lives together.
-What happened?
-Life happened. Things happened. Time happened. It's pretty much always the case, more or less.
-Maybe one of them ran off with someone else.
-Maybe the feelings just went away.
-How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without? I didn't say goodbye, I didn't say anything. I just walked away. At the end of that night I decided to take the longest way to cross the streeet.
-Well, I don't have a specific destination in mind but I'm just gonna go 'till I'll run out of places to go.
-Why not pick up the phone?
-Some things are better on paper.
-When you're gone all that's left behind are the memories you created in other people's lives. Or just a couple of items on a bill.
-I always had the feeling I could say anything to you. Inclosed there's a bill I created for you in the memory Of our time together. I wonder how you remember me. As the girl who liked blueberry pies or the girl with the broken heart?
-In the last few days I've been learning how to not trust people. And I'm glad I failed. Sometimes we depend on other people as a mirror. To define us and tell us who we are. And each reflection makes me like myself a little more.
-There's something different about you. Or maybe it's me who's changed.
-It took me nearly a year to get here. It wasn't so hard to cross that street after all. It all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side.

Eu cu mine

Ieri am ramas eu cu mine. Exact lucrul pe care il urmaream de atata timp. Eu, cu mine, cu gandurile si planurile mele. Si am reactionat asa cum nu ma asteptam. Am intrat intr-o mica panica. Am incercat sa fug de mine. Am vorbit cu Marius, sa-l intreb daca are treaba dupa cycling. Mi-a zis ca da. Nu stiu de ce m-as fi asteptat ca el sa fie disponibil, din moment ce intre noi nu e decat sex si atat. Am vorbit cu Clau, ea era la Afi cu Coto, si apoi se ducea acasa, deci nu am avut cum sa ne vedem. Nu stiam unde sa ma duc, nu stiam ce treaba sa-mi fac, nu stiam pe cine sa sun, nu stiam cu cine sa vorbesc ca sa nu stau singura. Aveam un nod in gat si o senzatie ciudata de teama. Pentru prima oara de cand ma mutasem, am realizat ceva: sunt singura. E exact ceea ce mi-am dorit. Timp pentru mine, singuratatea care mi-a lipsit atata vreme. Si atunci de ce mi-e frica? De cine fug? E prima zi de cand m-am mutat in care n-am vazut pe nimeni. De dimineata de cand m-am trezit, nu m-am vazut decat pe mine. Si am o frica interioara care nu stiu de unde vine. Cred ca abia acum realizez pasul pe care l-am facut.

Am bagat spaghete in mine. Asa, daca am burta plina, ma macina vina ca am mancat prea mult si o sa ma ingras si ignor panica pe care o simteam mai devreme. Buna metoda de eschivare am gasit, nu? De fapt, cred ca n-am gasit-o acum, o foloseam de mai mult timp. Eschivarea e unul din lucrurile la care ma pricep cel mai bine.

Pana la urma am fost la Carrefour sa-mi mai iau cate ceva si apoi m-am intors acasa si m-am uitat la Gladiatorul.

M-am simtit singura cu mine si asta nu e bine. E tocmai opusul a ceea ce-mi doream. Sa ma gasesc.