You should follow your instinct. Or at least pay attention to it and hear what it says. My instinct told me that he needed some space, it told me that he's thinking about her and there's no place for me in his heart. That he's emotionally unavailable. And I couldn't get close enough to him because of that. I just couldn't let myself in.
I know now it was so hard because she was always there and I always felt like "the extra girl". The fifth wheel. I felt a strong connection between them both. Stronger than anything we could ever have. I didn't need any proofs, I just felt it and I had no doubt.
And you can't fight that. You just need to step aside and realize you don't stand a chance in front of her. It's a shame. But this is life.
Given a second chance, I think I would make the same choices. I would take the same decisions. 'Cause even if nothing really happened between us, everytime I held him near me I had one of the best feelings ever. Warm, safe, good. And he always left me wanting more. Maybe this really is the secret of the unforgettable people in your life. They give you what you want but always keep you hungry for more.
Sometimes it sucks when your instinct is right. And sometimes, what you expect is exactly what you get.
Maybe we were both emotionally unavailable at this point in our lives.
While playing in "Prime", Meryl Streep said: "Sometimes you love and you learn and you move on. And it's ok."
Even though he was never mine, I feel like I lost him. And it's kinda painful.